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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

Relationship Education: Learning practical skills that focus on commitment, communication and good conflict

Clear commitment, good communication and good conflict resolution are the foundations of a successful relationship (Fincham et al 2007; Rhoades & Stanley 2014), the good news is that all of these factors can be translated into practical skills that can be easily taught (Markman & Rhoades 2012).

It is increasingly accepted that commitment comes in two main forms: “dedication” – the inner bond that makes a couple want to be with each other – and “constraints” – the added layers of a relationship that make it harder to leave, should either partner choose to do so (Stanley et al 2006).

  • “Dedication” is the key to a successful relationship, centring on the mutual decision to be a couple with a future.
  • “Constraints” increase in a relationship every time couples pass through a transition, such as moving in together, having a baby, or getting married.

In practice:

If we take a long-term perspective of our relationship, we can see above and beyond our day-to-day activities. By being intentional and making an effort to start with a clear understanding of our destination and where we are going, we create a sense of hope and purpose and we never stop growing – and we demonstrate our commitment.

Through careful planning and constant assessment and re-evaluation of our plans, we know where we are going, we can plan where we are heading and we can take time to see the bigger picture. This leads to a clear understanding of goals, dreams and your vision as a couple.

Just as the stagnant pond breeds disease, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Take a long-term perspective, determine a plan and assess/reassess your plan regularly.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the new video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM

Keep up with the latest from the MAREAA online:

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

Helping Couples in Isolation: Focus on how they resolve conflict, react to daily stressors and interact with each other

Couples in isolation are likely facing pressure from all angles and may find it impossible to avoid conflict. Stressors from work and home are all wrapped up in the same household, causing emotional or physical reactions. Working with couples, facilitators can help identify stress and work through this is 2 basic ways:

  1. Eliminate the stressor; or
  2. Change one’s reaction to stress.

When a stressor cannot be eliminated, it is important to look at how one reacts or copes in response to the stressor. Learning and using healthy coping mechanisms can help individuals respond to stress in healthier ways.

Married Couples and Stress 

Note the item rated as the number one stressor by married couples was Your Spouse. This was the number one stressor cited by both men and women.

Married couples who take PREPARE/ENRICH are often being seen in a counselling situation. It is not uncommon for individuals experiencing relational conflict to believe their problems would be solved if their partner would only change. Not only do they believe this, they often express it. Experienced counsellors are used to the finger pointing which often accompanies the initial sessions of marital therapy.

Unfortunately, one partner cannot change the other and this approach leaves individuals totally disempowered in the relationship. In fact, the more one individual focuses on the other person’s behaviour, the more resentment, anger, and resistance they typically receive in return.

It is much more productive to help these couples work on things that are in their control including the way they speak to one another, the way they resolve conflict, and the way each individual chooses to react to their daily stressors and interactions with their spouse.

In practice:

Good communication and productive ways of handling conflict depend on couples carefully listening to one another. Active listening involves listening attentively without interruption and then restating what was heard. Acknowledge content AND the feelings of the speaker. The active listening process lets the sender know whether or not the message they sent was clearly understood by having the listener restate what they heard.

Examples of Active Listening:

“I heard you say you are feeling ‘out of balance’, and enjoyed the time we spend together but that you also need more time to be with your friends… and you want to plan a time to talk about this.”

“If I understand what you said, you are concerned because you want to go skiing next winter. But you think I would rather to go to the beach. Is that correct?”

When each person knows what the other person feels and wants (assertiveness) and when each knows they have been heard and understood (active listening), intimacy is increased. These two communication skills can help you grow closer as a couple.

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Posted on by Robyn DonnellyLast updated

How are you affected by COVID-19? Four Questions for Friendship Talk

I have found in my small bubble that people want to talk about COVID-19 restrictions, health and economic issues and I understand the reason why… but it feels like the same conversation with a different slant because everyone has their opinion or subjective reality and it depends on how adversely affected they are.

So I started asking people to be real and asked the following questions, so I could see how people (friends, family and work colleagues) were really managing instead of them saying “we are fine, or just good”… Here I share the four friendship talk questions I am asking of people:

Four Questions for Friendship Talk:

  • What have you found the hardest in this crisis?
  • What have you found as a positive in the current climate?
  • Have you learnt something about yourself that surprised you?
  • What are you most looking forward to once restrictions are lifted?

We asked our children the same questions… and the responses were heartwarming. They were looking forward to our family reunion and our next Australian family holiday together – when we thought they would say, seeing their mates at the pub or sport!

If you are too busy to answer no pressure, but I’m here to listen to your responses if you can…

Robyn Donnelly
Coordinator – Marriage and Relationship Education CatholicCare Social Services Hunter-Manning
MAREAA Membership Coordinator, NSW State Representative
Email  Robyn.Donnelly@mn.catholic.org.au

Read on for various resources to assist you at this time. Finally, please let us know how you plan to deliver your services in these challenging times. 

For more information on the virus and the steps that can be taken to minimise its impact, visit the Australian Government Department of Health website.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

working with couples online
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Posted on by Robyn DonnellyLast updated

Welcome to our new world and lifestyle of living with restrictions due to COVID-19

I am sure you are finding your personal and work life has changed considerably. I must admit and share that it is a lifestyle I am not enjoying for many reasons – I’m an extrovert, I love people and relationships, I love coffee catch-ups, dinner parties, boot camp and fitness, book club, dining out and travel.

Life has changed. I am missing my face-to-face sessions and workshops, and for the first time in my career of 24 years, I’m now working from home to plan how to work without my clients in the room. We are currently caring for our elderly parents and we miss our boys who are separated from us, and due to the health crisis, our bubble has shrunk considerably.

Recently I reflected on how I was managing and how we were going. My relationship with my husband is based on my work, we use all possible relationship research day in-day out (we try to talk the talk and walk the walk), so I thought about what were we using and relying on most to stay connected with each other especially since we are living in each other’s pockets. Here are my top three and one that I need to work on:

  1. Appreciation: We are really trying to appreciate and thank each other verbally for the little things we notice. It’s easy to get frustrated and highlight what we are doing wrong when we are stressed (Gottman’s level 2 Sound Relationship House [SRH] – Fondness and Appreciation);
  2. Be Grateful: When I get anxious or overwhelmed by negativity and media hype, I write a list of all the things we have and are grateful for and re-read it or read it to each other (Gottman Level 4 SRH – Positive Perspective). We recall all the great times we have had in our relationship and what we are looking forward to post the restrictions;
  3.  Repair and Dialogue: We use more use of Repair & Dialogue (explaining our position – Gottman Level 5 SRH), so you hear a lot more of “I’m so sorry”, “I didn’t mean to say it like that”, or “that came out all wrong way”; and
  4. Subjective Reality: There are also many things I could be doing better, so I need to improve on thinking that my opinion or position is “subjective”  (Gottman’s SRH Level 5 – Subjective Reality). I’m not great at this at present as I’m out of my comfort zone and anxious about where this will end up.

If you are interested in sharing:

  • What are you currently doing or using in your relationships that you present or share with your clients in session? and;
  • What is something you present to your clients, that you are not currently doing yourself, that you could work on?

Take care and be safe, and be kind to those closest to you.

Robyn Donnelly
Coordinator – Marriage and Relationship Education CatholicCare Social Services Hunter-Manning
MAREAA Membership Coordinator, NSW State Representative
Email Robyn.Donnelly@mn.catholic.org.au

Read on for various resources to assist you at this time. Finally, please let us know how you plan to deliver your services in these challenging times. 

For more information on the virus and the steps that can be taken to minimise its impact, visit the Australian Government Department of Health website.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

Suggested Ground Rules for Online Group Sessions
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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

Suggested Ground Rules for Online Group Sessions

The need for relationship education is escalating, service access is becoming more limited because of the increased lock-down and social isolation. Providers of support services must adjust to the conditions and search for innovative ways of working, to help those facing adversity – from the comfort of their own homes.

Group Programs lends themselves well to an online format, as they allow for a combination of teaching, demonstrating and discussion. Facilitated via Teleconference, couples can still learn from each other, however because much of the information is personal to each couple, the online experience can create positive tension. This sharing and learning together can help build a sense of community… even while online.

The following guide can help you work with couples online:

  1. Setting up the Meeting: Teleconferencing and videoconferencing are easy and effective tools, but there are often issues. Ensure you test your audio and visual technology prior to meeting and dial in early and be ready to deal confidently with issues the couples may have with their technology.

    Body language is important. Ensure you can see both couples. If they are in the same location, you need to be able to view both couples from waist up. Ask the couple to adjust their camera to assist with this. If they are both remote, same story, you want to be able to see them from their waist up – they can then also see each other clearly and their body language.

    Ask if they have removed distractions in their home. If possible, other family members, children, pets. Tell them that it is important that you have their full attention for the duration of the call. If another time is better, rescheduling to a time when they are both ready is important.
  2. Environment – safe, confidentiality (limits to confidentiality): As you would normally do, explain that the discussion is confidential and discuss the limits to confidentiality, such as if there is disclosure that someone is at risk of harm. Ensure the couple feel comfortable and safe, establishing an environment where topics can be discussed openly.
  3. Build rapport with couples – establish a relationship: Building rapport with couples online can be hard, but it is important to speak to each couple and to share that focus equally. Introduce yourself and start to get to know each couple. For example, ask the couple how they met; how long they have been together; what drew them to each other; what they hope to get out of the session.
  4. Share relevant information and praise feedback: Give each couple praise for taking intentional time out to focus on their relationship. Always seek to identify and always emphasise the positive aspects of their relationship throughout the discussion.
     
  5. Do they have any questions? Any reservations? Explore these and use examples of where the process will assist to explore these issues. Use an ice-breaker exercise to emphasise this.
  6. Explain the process: Summarise the process and topics that will be discussed. Explain that you are keen to understand each couple and where the ‘edges’ are between them as a couple. Emphasise that the process is one of developing awareness and learning new skills.

With online facilitation, most of the same rules apply but it can often be harder to build rapport and really connect with couples. From setting up your technology (and the couples) through to developing awareness, learning new skills and working through exercises.

Read on for various resources to assist you at this time. Finally, please let us know how you plan to deliver your services in these challenging times. 

For more information on the virus and the steps that can be taken to minimise its impact, visit the Australian Government Department of Health website.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

Helping couples strengthen their relationship remotely: A guide to working with couples online

As many organisations close their doors, schools close and public places deserted, many of us are forced to remain home and practice social distancing. With that, anxiety levels rise, fuses become shorter and frustration prevails – our routines are turned upside down and additional stress is placed on relationships and families leading to spikes in demand for family and relationship services.

The need for relationship education is escalating, service access is becoming more limited because of the increased lock-down and social isolation. Providers of support services must adjust to the conditions and search for innovative ways of working, to help those facing adversity – from the comfort of their own homes.

The following guide can help you work with couples online:

  1. Setting up the Meeting: Teleconferencing and videoconferencing are easy and effective tools, but there are often issues. Ensure you test your audio and visual technology prior to meeting and dial in early and be ready to deal confidently with issues the couples may have with their technology.

    Body language is important. Ensure you can see both couples. If they are in the same location, you need to be able to view both couples from waist up. Ask the couple to adjust their camera to assist with this. If they are both remote, same story, you want to be able to see them from their waist up – they can then also see each other clearly and their body language.

    Ask if they have removed distractions in their home. If possible, other family members, children, pets. Tell them that it is important that you have their full attention for the duration of the call. If another time is better, rescheduling to a time when they are both ready is important.
  2. Environment – safe, confidentiality (limits to confidentiality): Explain that the discussion is confidential and discuss the limits to confidentiality, such as if there is disclosure that someone is at risk of harm. Ensure the couple feel comfortable and safe, establishing an environment where topics can be discussed openly.
  3. Build rapport with couple – establish a relationship: Building rapport with the couple is crucial. Introduce yourself and start to get to know the couple. For example, ask the couple how they met; how long they have been together; what drew them to each other.
  4. Share relevant information: Give the couple praise for taking intentional time out to focus on their relationship. Always seek to identify and emphasise the positive aspects of their relationship. 
  5. Do they have any questions? Any reservations? Explore these and use examples of where the process will assist to explore these issues. Use an ice-breaker exercise to emphasise this.
  6. Explain the process: Summarise the process and topics that will be discussed. Explain that you are keen to understand each couple and where the ‘edges’ are between them as a couple. Emphasise that the process is one of developing awareness and learning new skills.

With online facilitation, most of the same rules apply but it can often be harder to build rapport and really connect with couples. From setting up your technology (and the couples) through to developing awareness, learning new skills and working through exercises.

Read on for various resources to assist you at this time. Finally, please let us know how you plan to deliver your services in these challenging times. 

For more information on the virus and the steps that can be taken to minimise its impact, visit the Australian Government Department of Health website.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Amanda LambrosLast updated

Mental Health… it’s uncomfortable and tougher to identify when you’re socially isolated!

Mental health issues make people feel uncomfortable. I’m not talking about people who suffer them – I mean the people who don’t. When you don’t have any personal experience of ‘poor mental health’, it can be – excuse the pun – difficult to get your head around.

If you meet a friend or co-worker hobbling along on crutches, you can immediately sympathise and empathise – the problem is ‘visual’. You notice and process the clues easily, because you recognise what you see, and understand its likely consequences. And it’s possible that you’ve suffered a similar injury yourself in the past, and almost literally “feel their pain.”

But the clues that someone has a mental health issues can be far more difficult to identify and to react to… particularly at this time of isolation, social distancing and working from home.

Stigma, Shame and Fear

Chances are, someone with such a condition is doing their best to hide it. They’ll forego the opportunity to receive any of that same sympathy and empathy because it’s risky. Having anything less than 100 percent ‘good‘ mental health holds a stigma. So it can be tricky to know what to say if someone does confide in you, or if you find out some other way.

Social awkwardness is unfortunate, but the shame and fear it can lead to can create lasting damage… which is exactly what I would like to put an immediate stop to.

People can be extremely reluctant to reveal their mental struggles because of the potential impact on their career and relationships. And so they fight on two fronts – managing the condition itself, and trying to present a “normal” façade to the rest of the world. Their resulting isolation and growing sense of worthlessness can be devastating.

Mental Health at Work

I like to think that, as individuals, we can overcome our initial awkwardness and confusion at learning that a colleague is facing a health challenge, and that we will be supportive and accepting. After all, isn’t this what we need ourselves whenever we’re having a tough time?

But can organisations do more to help us all to succeed and thrive at work, particularly at this time when most are working from home?

Managers have to balance their responsibilities to their team members and to their organisation. And, when it comes to health, these responsibilities need not conflict.

A workplace that’s safe, both physically and mentally, and that enables its people to look after themselves and one another, will likely suffer less absenteeism and presenteeism, support more honest conversations, and engender more loyalty and trust. And all of these attributes will surely lead to success for the bottom line.

Mental Health First Aid Training

There is a Standard 2-Day Mental Health First Aid Training that can be offered to all levels of staff to help people educate themselves in the area of Mental Health. I can also provide tailor-made training via lunch and learn formats, in small and manageable chunks. If you are interested in training, you can book here. These can be offered over videoconference.

What are your experiences of mental health in the workplace?

If you’ve managed someone facing a mental health issue, what strategies did you use? And if you’ve ever discussed your own mental health with your manager or co-workers, what reaction did you get? What approach does your organisation take to mental health, and why?

By Amanda Lambros, Relationships, Mental Health, Grief and Loss Speaker and Counsellor, and Vice President MAREAA.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

Stress in the Workplace... wake up to it!
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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

Stress in the Workplace… wake up to it!

I couldn’t help but notice the change in Joe. The typically talkative and cheerful co-worker has become grumpy and dismissive over the last few weeks. This is how my conversation with an HR manager began. She was calling me to run a Wellbeing and Mental Health training for her staff and wanting me to answer the questions of “What should we be looking out for and how can we help?”

Joe was always the first to arrive at work, and among the last to leave. But then he started coming into work later and later, and was often in a rush to leave at the end of the day, too.  Eventually, after a few months, Joe handed in his notice and left.

Joe was suffering from stress, something that’s all too common in modern, high-demand workplaces. If this had been recognized and the people around him knew how to support him, he might have been able to get help and might still be with the company.

I want to help you learn how to identify stress in others, and explore a five-step strategy for tactfully offering your support, without becoming overburdened yourself.

How to Identify Stress in your Colleagues

Stress is what happens when the demands placed on someone exceed what he or she can readily cope with.

While a certain amount of pressure is a part of everyday life, and can actually help people to perform better, too much pressure can cause stress to build.

Even if your organization has a policy on mental health and an active HR manager or team, it’s most likely a friend or co-worker who’ll be the first person to notice a change in someone’s behavior that could indicate stress.

Signs of stress can include: 

  • Snapping at colleagues.
  • Losing concentration.
  • Putting off decisions.
  • Restlessness.
  • Emotional volatility.
  • Anxiety.
  • Erratic behavior.

Why Giving Support Matters

Even when you know that someone is suffering from stress, it can be difficult to broach the subject. You might be scared of causing offence, making it worse, or causing the other person to become angry or emotional. 

But offering your support can be a crucial first step in battling the often serious mental and physical problems caused by excessive stress, such as burnout, depression, sleeplessness, fatigue, and even heart disease (yes, you read that correctly!).

The problems caused by stress can also go beyond the individual who is suffering. It can begin to impact his or her performance at work, forcing others to “pick up the slack,” and relationships to break down.

Your support can help to the ease the impact of these “side effects” and to keep team relationships strong.

How to Support a Stressed Co-Worker

Here’s are 5 short, sharp and simple suggestions to help a colleague who is suffering from stress:

  1. Establish a Connection
  2. Find out if something else is going on 
  3. Suggest Practical Ways Forward (there’s heaps…feel free to contact me to discuss more)
  4. Offer Friendship
  5. Take care of yourself (I LOVE talking about Self-Care) 

Research shows that stress can have a “ripple effect” on the people that are close to the sufferer. Learning the skills to recognise the signs and symptoms and then take the next step towards helping people is paramount for any organisation.

By Amanda Lambros, Relationships, Mental Health, Grief and Loss Speaker and Counsellor, and Vice President MAREAA.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM Keep up with the latest from the MAREAA online: www.mareaa.asn.au

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

It is in every company’s best financial interest to support employees and to invest in the promotion of Relationship Education and Family Wellness programs

If relationship education and family wellness improves a company’s overall financial health and increases profitability, it is then in every company’s best financial interest to support employees and to invest in the promotion of relationship education and family wellness programs at work (Turvey et al, 2006). To amplify the happiness and confidence of employees and to increase a company’s overall financial health and to maximise business potential, relationship education and family wellness programs can make a difference.

Various studies have demonstrated that employees who are happy in all aspects of their lives are more productive employees and hence improving relationships in and out of work is vital, for individuals, couples and families and for society. This suggests that the integration of marriage and relationship education and family wellness programs must be an economically driven priority.

Evidence shows that happily couples are more loyal and stable employees, have reduced job turnover rates, have lower rates of absenteeism, and are generally considered more dependable and motivated and have greater levels of engagement (Lavy, G. 2002). Another study found that when dual-income couples are happy, they have a greater level of commitment to their employers (Curtis, 2006).

Reflecting on the benefits of healthy relationships and family life to organisations, relationship education and family wellness programs should contain (or be extended with) a specific focus and integration of marriage and family wellness programs’ for those employees who are married or in a relationship to contribute to the overall productivity and profitability of businesses.

In order to help couple families and companies develop strategies to deal with the multiple demands on employees and their personal relationships, it is vital to devise and implement policies to enable employees to have healthy, functional personal relationships, and be fully engaged at work.

Tune in next week for more discussion about the Benefits of Relationship Education and Family Wellness Programs for Business Productivity.

References:

  • Curtis, J., 2006: The Business of Love. IOD Press: Florida.
    Turvey, M. D., & Olson, D. H., 2006: Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America’s Business? A Marriage CoMission Research Report. Minneapolis, MN.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM Keep up with the latest from the MAREAA online: www.mareaa.asn.au

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

More than 40 percent of all workers face high stress in their job, negatively affecting their productivity, health and family stability

High work stress and overload is often correlated with less positive relationships in and out of work, and while the issue of highly stressed workers is not new, the relentless pace of business today has made the problem worse (Schwartz, J et al, 2014). Driven by the always-on nature of digital business and 24/7 working styles, studies show that more than 40 percent of all workers face high stress in their job, negatively affecting their productivity, health and family stability (EKU Online, 2018).

Stress can be a two-way street between work and home where the subsequent stress from failing marriages begins to manifest in the workplace, increasing stress, leading to more stress at home, and the cycle continues. Learning and using healthy coping mechanisms can help individuals respond to stress in healthier ways.

Tackling the pressures and strains being experienced by Australian organisations, individuals, couples and families, leading companies are developing strategies that address societal concerns such as longevity and wellbeing, and the multiple demands on employees and their personal relationships. To enable employees to have healthy, functional personal relationships, and be fully engaged at work, employers are investing in Relationship Education and Wellbeing programs as both a social responsibility and a talent strategy. Highlighting the mutually positive benefits that a healthy dynamic between work and home-life can bring, this investment can help improve productivity and performance.

Relationship Education and Family Wellness programs are widely available to couples, intended to reduce the prevalence of relationship distress, divorce and the associated personal and social costs (Halford, W.K., et al 2003). Quickly learned and easily adapted, these programs have been proven effective in a variety of communities, cultures, and languages.

Well-being is becoming a core responsibility of good corporate citizenship and a critical performance strategy to drive employee engagement, organisational energy, and productivity (Agarwal, D. et al, 2018). If relationship education and family wellness improves a company’s overall financial health and increases profitability, it is then in every company’s best financial interest to support employees and to invest in the promotion of family wellness programs at work (Turvey et al, 2006).

Tune in next week for a discussion about work stress and home life stress and how both may impact negatively for businesses.

References:

  • Agarwal, D., Bersin, J., Lahiri, G., Schwartz, J., and Volini, E., 2018: Deloitte Global Human Capital Trends: The Rise of the Social Enterprise, 28 March 2018

  • EKU Online, ‘Work-related stress on employees health’, March 2, 2018

  • Halford, W.K., Markman, H, J., Galena, H,.K.,  and Stanley, S.M., 2003: Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, July, Vol. 29, No. 3, p385-406
  • Turvey, M. D., & Olson, D. H., 2006: Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America’s Business? A Marriage CoMission Research Report. Minneapolis, MN.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM Keep up with the latest from the MAREAA online: www.mareaa.asn.au

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

Separation and divorce represents a major life stressor that impacts work performance, resulting increased absenteeism and presenteeism, decreased health, increased anxiety and stress

Relationship quality at work or home is often a cause for decreased productivity – productivity impacted directly by work conflict or relationship breakdown.

We know work conflict between leaders and employees can have a significant impact on performance, however outside of work, where failing, unhealthy relationships or those in relational decline, businesses tend to bear the consequences in a variety of ways.

Despite the changes in community attitudes and family patterns, separation and divorce still represents a major life stressor for the individuals involved (Australian Psychological Society, 2018). Typically involving economic stress, with new residence arrangements, moving schools and work, and increased travel, separation and divorce exerts financial demands that can have flow-on effects for parent and child wellbeing (Smyth, 2004), and ultimately work performance.

Failing relationships at home can lead to affairs in the workplace, and up to 25% of these relationships lead to decreased productivity, and once couples divorce, this can disrupt the productivity of an individual worker for as long as three years (Lavy, 2002).

One study found that in the year following divorce, employees lost an average of over 168 hours of work time, equivalent to being fully absent four weeks in one calendar year (Mueller, 2005), this means that recently divorced employees are absent from work due to relationship-related reasons for over 8% of their annual time on the job (Turvey et al, 2006 p7).

While the financial implications of separation differ for men and women, women and single parent families typically experience significant economic disadvantage after separation (Austen, 2004; Cairney, Boyle, Offord & Racine, 2003; Smyth, 2004; Smyth & Weston, 2000) and these effects have direct implications for the workplace.

Primarily, as employees experience stress, their physical health suffers and they tend to have lower immune functioning (Waite and Gallagher, 2000). Relationship stress tends to spill over into job functioning, resulting increased absenteeism and presenteeism (being physically present but mentally absent), decreased health, increased anxiety and stress, and increased health insurance costs (Turvey et al, 2006 p7-8).

In order to help couple families, it is vital that companies develop strategies to deal with the multiple demands on employees and their personal relationships and implement policies to enable employees to have healthy, functional personal relationships, and be fully engaged at work.

Tune in next week for a discussion about work stress and home life stress and how both may impact negatively for businesses.

References:

  • Austen, S. 2004: Labour supply and the risk of divorce: An analysis of Australian data. Australian Economic Review, 37(2), 153-165.
  • Australian Psychological Society 2018; Child Wellbeing After Parental Separation, A Position Statement prepared for the Australian Psychological Society by the APS Public Interest Team.
  • Burnett, S. B, Coleman, L, Houlston, C and Reynolds, J., 2015: Happy Homes and Productive Workplaces – Summary Report of research findings. OnePlusOne and Working Families UK
  • Cairney, J., Boyle, M., Offord, D. R., & Racine, Y. 2003: Stress, social support and depression in single and married mothers. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 38(8), 442-449.
  • Mueller, R. 2005: The effect of marital dissolution on the labour supply of males and females: Evidence from Canada.” Journal of Socio-Economics, 34, 787-809.
  • Smyth, B. 2004: Parent-child contact and post-separation parenting arrangements. Melbourne Australian Institute of Family Studies.
  • Smyth, B., &; Weston, R. 2000: Financial living standards after divorce. Family Matters(55), 11-15.
  • Turvey, M. D., & Olson, D. H., 2006: Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America’s Business? A Marriage CoMission Research Report. Minneapolis, MN
  • Waite, L., & Gallagher, M. 2000: The case for marriage. New York: Doubleday.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM Keep up with the latest from the MAREAA online: www.mareaa.asn.au

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf

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Posted on by Shane SmithLast updated

To support higher levels of work engagement, employees adopting flexible working need support in managing the interface between work and home-life

A stable, positive home/family life was shown to enable people to be more engaged in their work, with the resulting reduction in Work-Family Conflict, improving Work Engagement scores. Furthermore, a stable, positive home/family life has been shown to improve Relationship Quality, which, in turn, may predict higher levels of Work Engagement, creating a virtuous cycle.

The headline finding in a 2015 UK study (Burnett et al: 2015) found that there was a positive association between Relationship Quality and Work Engagement that exists independently of the other work-centric, relationship-centric and socio-demographic factors. That is, high Relationship Quality would extend to improvements in Work Engagement. Likewise, improvements in Work Engagement would predict increases in Relationship Quality.

To support higher levels of work engagement, employees adopting flexible working need support in managing the interface between work and home-life given the association with Relationship Quality.

This UK study shows that it is in the employers’ interest to do what they can to maintain or improve levels of Relationship Quality among their staff to improve productivity and performance. This could range from creating more family-friendly workplaces, offering paid parental leave, flexible working arrangements and personal leave for caring responsibilities and mental health care.

Additionally, by offering online relationship support or counselling through to having support available for those that could face relationship difficulties in the future (such as those becoming parents for the first time), can make a significant impact on work engagement.

Following are a some (but not all) of the pitfalls employers need to observe to ensure work engagement is maximised:

  • Employers need to ensure that flexible working does not become ‘all the time working’, preventing expectations that employees are permanently available.
  • Employers should avoid the assumption that women will not want to focus on their careers if they have children, additionally ensuring that they monitor the effects of discrimination and unconscious bias.
  • Employers should observe and monitor men to ensure that flexible working policies are aligned and communicated in such a way that men are able to access them equally, without concern over it damaging their career.

Based on this evidence, employers are encouraged to view Relationship Quality as an asset, and one that requires investment.

Tune in next week for a discussion about work stress and home life stress and how both may impact negatively for businesses.

References:

  • Burnett, S. B, Coleman, L, Houlston, C and Reynolds, J., 2015: Happy Homes and Productive Workplaces – Summary Report of research findings. OnePlusOne and Working Families UK

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM Keep up with the latest from the MAREAA online: www.mareaa.asn.au

Join us at www.mareaa.asn.au or sign up to our Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bRigGf