Exploring positive and negative cycles in relationships (Relationship Dynamics)

Written By shane smith

Often a goal of marriage and relationship education is to increase the assertiveness and active listening skills of one or both partners. As partners in a relationship improve their assertiveness and active listening skills, their self-confidence tends increase. As a person’s self-confidence increases, their willingness and ability to be more assertive increases. Increasing assertiveness also tends to decrease avoidance and partner dominance. When one person perceives their partner as dominating, a common reaction is for that person to avoid dealing with issues. And as a person uses more avoidance, they will often perceive more dominance in their partner.

Consider this fictional couple who have taken the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventory: Daniel and Maria.

The Relationship Dynamics section indicates low assertiveness for Daniel and high assertiveness for Maria. Daniel also tends to minimize issues (high avoidance) and is reluctant to deal with them directly, while Maria is generally able to identify and discuss issues they are having in their relationship. As a result, Daniel feels controlled in their lives together (high in partner dominance) and has lower self-confidence.

As we work with Daniel and Maria to improve their assertiveness and active listening skills, their self-confidence is expected to increase. This is the positive cycle of more assertiveness increasing self-confidence. Additionally as we work with Daniel and Maria to increase assertiveness, this will tend to decrease avoidance and partner dominance, which is a common negative cycle.

Tune in next week for more tips and learnings and the value of knowing and using The Relationship Dynamics section of PREPARE/ENRICH.

Marriage and Relationship Education is a learning opportunity, much like you would do in any other important life event. Check out the video for couples on YouTube: https://youtu.be/xyuUl-JnIhM.

Tune in next week for more discussion about relationships and mental health. 

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Written by Shane Smith
shane smith
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Couples who want and expect to have a more equalitarian relationship will struggle if one partner is overly dominant